love drunk in a bathtub.

writing is like bleeding. and i need to bleed there is too much blood.

its overflowing and over-filling. my heart wants to burst into this shower of red like a geyser on a volcano. i want to be drunk in a bathtub at 2 pm. i want to be found neck deep in a puddle of bubbles. a smile on my face with happy eyes and a bottle in my hand. i want you to find me there and jump in. feet first into this place where everything is good. this place where we can swim if we want to. this place that we made.

my legs are short but they look shiny in the water. pretty just like my dad said they would be. nothing else is like he said cuz he didnt say much. he left me this bottle these legs this hair and this need to run. and then he ran like i will .. like i do. avoiding. deterring?

i need a library today. somewhere i can plunge my fingers. somewhere to place my mind thats not here. words to fill it up with. sentences to send it home with. something to fill up the space that gets emptied by his memory. by her memory. words letters sentences thoughts feelings. pictures. something to fill the space.

i wont cry today. ill just be a flightless bird. a caged bird; dreaming. a bird that has the key to its own door.