'taylor i just need to make sure we're on the same page here... i need to know that you're part of this family...' my boss puts her hands in a circle shape as she reiterates the 'family' part. she looks at me almost to through me.. waiting for me to tell her we are on the same page. unfortuntely we are not. i am looking at her seriously.. as though i am lestening to what she's saying and taking it in to remember. but really on the inside i am just thinking about how much we are not on the same page. im thinking about how i just need to pay my rent this month and that then i am out of this place. im thinking about how in 2 weeks i will be handing in my 2 weeks notice. im thinking about how this is a serving job and how i will never be invested in a 'restaurant family'. yeah. she used words like 'invested'. invested in us. she explained to me how she noticed that the other server during the week did things like running the salt shakers through the dishwasher. and how she stayed well after our shifts to help the bartender and to sweep the floor. well yeah... when you put it like that i look like a dick. but here's the deal. i don't give a shit about this restaurant. i dont care if the salt shakers are clean. i dont care if the floors are swept. i get here at 630 every morning. when 2 o'clock gets here i dont care if the crumbs from lunch's pizza are still on the floor. what i care about is that i am going to take this moment and i am going to turn it into an antedote. i am going to use it as fuel. the food..the mess...the serving the biscuits... i dont give a fuck about. my life and my moments have to be bigger than this. they have to be bigger than rolled silverware and clean salt shakers. thats why im searching for this thing.....this thing that is bigger than me. this thing that scares me and terrifies me to the point that i cannot move. thats what i need. i need to be challenged. i need constant stimulation. you used to say that and i thought you were crazy. but the whole time i thought that i was just bored waiting for the next thing that would scare or challenge me. hey biscuits. i dont care about you. and i dont feel bad about it.