incubation.

i like to sit in the bath. and just look at my skin. pick apart all the things i dont like about myself. stare them down. hey you.

taylor. im not trying to hide anything. i spent this whole day trying to think of a short story. i figured if i thought about it long enough that one would magically pop into my head and out through my hands. but that never happened. it seems my mood lately has been this face :/ just disappointed. apathetic. suffocating in ennui inside this apartment. this place has become a pillow.

penicillin day dreams. it makes my head feel loopy. i feel tired and it makes me drained. these days in this bed trying to clean my blood. make it all good again. a purification process and i feel like its taking so much out of me. like when edward sucks the venom out of bella. a vampire love story. take me away. 'and i would be heavenly if baby you'd just rescue me now'.

speaker phone love songs. play me a song. little birdy i know youre going to fly soon. i miss your laugh. when i hear it on the speaker it makes me smile. every day i feel like your wings are spreading and it wont be long before you take off. all i can hope is that you dont leave me behind. or perhaps i could even grow my own wings. theyre under there. theyre a lump under the skin in my back. fortunately that skin is thin. sometimes i dont feel like there is enough.

'we're gonna start a revolution well ya know.' my tool will be a sharpie on a bathroom wall. an angry message on a stolen post office sticker stuck to a box of m&m's in the grocery store. this keyboard. a bird in my mind i release on these keys. mine to birth yours to keep. my mind is a womb an incubator for these thoughts that will maybe one day fix at least one thing.


my nails are short and every day i am learning to love my hands.