'help i have done it again'

i can feel it. its right here in my chest. its always been here but i can only feel it sometimes.

i am so asymmetrical. my nose is crooked. one of my eyes opens more than the other. my bottom lip is much larger than the top. i swear my right leg is bigger. my chin is too small. i like my cheekbones and my eyes except one is bigger. and you look at you here beside me loving all of it. what i know i dont deserve is you. success. happiness. love. i deserve all of those things. i can take all of those things but i don't deserve you. lying there peaceful with your back to mine and your hands are crossed in your chest. my eyes stuck to the tattoo on your back. my mind wanders to when you drew it and then to the man who put it on you.

songs. songs. a collection of writing songs. why do i need songs to write a song.


breathe and just breathe on me and breathe in our bed. i did this same thing in my bed with the music and the headphones and the wine and the laptop and the cat. and its all so much more with you here beside me. i miss you when youre gone for a second even just to pee. you comfort me youre comforting me. my leg on yours and your back .. your back to me.